


Circus Tricks

by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:32:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back in the days of the Adult B7 mailing list, I was given a challenge to combine various elements into a coherent whole.</p><p>So... Tarrant and Avon and Blake have nookie at the circus... I think you had to be there...</p><p>The requested elements are given in the end note.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Circus Tricks

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

Avon smiled in satisfaction and continued counting credits. Tarrant abruptly entered the room, loudly complaining, "Blake's asinine plan is too much! I don't mind working in the circus peep show, but the customers think their lousy quarter entitles them to..." Tarrant's mouth ran to a stop several seconds after his eyes had taken in the sight of Avon sitting on the bed, shirt open to the waist, silver nipple rings glittering, a sheaf of the local currency in his hands, and a large, perspiring man zipping up his trousers leaning over to give Avon a peck on the cheek.

'Scuse' me," mumbled the large man and he brushed past Tarrant, flipping the tent door open just far enough to sidle out.

"Avon, you whore."

Avon smiled and said, "Glass houses, flyboy."

Tarrant flushed, remembering the hard days after Gauda Prime. At one point Soolin had to sell her hair. Renting his body hadn't seemed so bad when he saw her return, stone-faced and cold, shaved even closer than Servalan, to hand the money to Avon to pay for Vila's gall-bladder operation. 

He lunged for Avon, snatching at the money. "You just want to buy your way off this planet! Well, you're not going until you pay _us_ what you owe!"

"I don't owe you anything!" Avon reached out for the money. 

Tarrant stuffed it into his jumpsuit pocket. Avon tore the pocket off, sending bills scattering. He began shoving money into a slit in the thin mattress of his camp-cot, which Tarrant suddenly realized was entirely stuffed with currency. "There's enough there to buy a ship!" Tarrant yelled, furious. "Why, you greedy little bastard!" Avon fended him off with one hand while continuing to cram money into the bedding.

"You aren't going to ignore me!" Tarrant lunged on top of Avon, no longer attempting to get the money, but instead grabbing wildly at any part of Avon he could reach and Avon reciprocated, snarling and snapping with his teeth. The bed rocked and Tarrant moved with it, rubbing against... he reached down and discovered to his shock that Avon had stopped fighting and was now moaning and rhythmically rolling his hips against Tarrant's and somehow, neither of them was wearing anything...

"Fuck," Tarrant said. 

"Yes," Avon replied, looking up at Tarrant, "I wish you would."

Tarrant thought about it for about two seconds. Avon was obviously suffering from some mental disorder, turning him into a male-nymphomaniac. Tarrant really ought to go find Avon some professional help... later. Much later. Avon put a tub of lubricant in Tarrant's hand and lay back down.

***

Two hours and eight positions later, Tarrant was lying flat on his back while Avon sat on him. All Tarrant was thinking was that whatever caused Avon's disease should be bottled. They'd make a fortune.

The tent flap flew open and the one person in the universe capable of spoiling the moment entered. 

"Avon! What are you doing to Tarrant!" Blake bellowed.

Avon blinked, slid off Tarrant, and smiled at Blake. Tarrant groaned when he saw the 'insane plan' grin, and covered his eyes. He really didn't want to see what would happen next.

"There was an arachnius gluteus on his jumpsuit," Avon said. "Highly venomous spider," he clarified. "I killed it before it had a chance to bite, but Tarrant has had a pathological fear of spiders ever since Servalan paid Cancer to assassinate us. Her modus operandi was an artificial spider." He gazed at Blake with much the same gormless look he'd used on Gauda Prime. "So, naturally he went into shock. I was trying to keep him warm. Naked is best for that, as the Aleutian Eskimos of the old calendar knew."

Tarrant peeked from under his arms to see how Avon's incredibly OTT little story was being received.

Blake frowned. "You should have called for help." Then he smiled and hugged Avon. "Tarrant owes you his life. Avon, you're my hero."

Avon grinned and Tarrant felt rather ill. "Yes, I'm all better now," Tarrant said, starting to get up and look for a scrap of cloth big enough to pass for a loincloth. "I think I'll just be going."

Blake frowned again. "But Tarrant, on this planet when someone saves your life..."

Tarrant groaned. "Don't tell me, he's responsible for me forever."

Blake's frown deepened. "No, that's a silly superstition. No, on _this_ planet it means everyone fucks each other's brains out in celebration." Blake reached out and threw Tarrant back on top on Avon and joined the two of them on the now wobbly camp-cot.

Three and a half thrusts later, they ripped through the back wall of the tent and wound up in the middle of the Dog and Pony show (in which trained kittens and puppies rode around on Shetland ponies). Blake was as single-minded as ever and barely paused to extract a poodle from beneath them before continuing.

In the stands, Jenna stood up and cheered while Dayna stopped eating candy-floss long enough to murmur appreciatively, "The Greatest Show on Earth", before wrinkling her nose and amending, "well, on this planet, anyway."

**Author's Note:**

> And this was the request:
> 
> Someone should...  
> Someone should write a story where Tarrant says, 'Avon, you whore.'  
> And Avon responds with, 'Glass houses, flyboy.'  
> And they get all angry with each other and somehow end up fighting on the bed. Then miraculously their clothing gets ripped off and they fuck.  
> But then Blake comes in and catches them and he's all upset until Avon convinces him that Tarrant was going into shock (he saw a scary spider)and Avon was trying to keep him warm with his body. And naked is always best for that.  
> And Blake's all, 'Avon, you're my hero.' Then they fuck.  
> Bonus points for puppies and kittens prancing in the background with ponies.


End file.
